What have I gotten myself into??

Within the past 2 months we have made over a dozen trips to the Guayaquil airport. We have spent hours inside the arrival area watching the jumbo screen flash pictures of the Galapagos and the nicer parts of Guayaquil; we have eaten more ice cream cones then necessary, and we have waited for large retreat groups to make it through customs and baggage claim without any major problems. It's a pretty taxing part of our job discription...wasting hours.

But this blog is not about the airport pick ups, it's about the drop offs. Last night our beloved downstairs neighbors, Chris and Jake, returned to the U.S. As blogged about before, they were a couple working at Nuevo Mundo and living in the small apartment below the AJS volunteer house. Chris was a former Rostro volunteer 2 years ago and came back when she was offered a job as head of the English department. They arrived in early October and proved to be a huge part of the AJS Ecuador experience. We shared dinners and community nights together; we celebrated birthdays and watched all four seasons of Dexter with them, and despite the fact that they had no affiliation with Rostro or even lived with us, Chris and Jake became apart of our community without much effort.

And so after weeks of saying, "wow, you only have a month left....you only have 2 weeks...you only have a day" we said the real "goodbyes." It was a sad goodbye filled with tears and hugs, "see you soons" and "I can't belive the time has come." And after giving our biggest hugs and warmest wishes of safe travel, we left them at the exit tax stand and made our way to the car.

The time leading up to Chris and Jake's final week here in Ecuador seemed to be very surreal. It was if no one wanted to admit to themselves that the goodbyes were coming so as to avoid the sadness that comes with them. We scrambled to spend as much time as possible with them, hanging out until 1am reminicsing about the past year and eating as much junk food as humanly possible. But no matter how much time we spent together, it just didn't seem to ease my nerves about the fact that after they left we would never have those moments again.

But Chris and Jake's departure was just a small foreshadowing of what lies ahead for us in just a few weeks. As I watched Chris and Jake hug our young neighbors across the street I couldn't help but picture the 5 of us saying the same goodbyes, experiencing the same sadness. And after leaving them at the airport I felt as if I was experiencing a new emotion, one much deeper than sadness or anxiety. It's as if I have a pit in my stomach or a lump in my throat but with hope and happiness attached. It's strange.

It seems like everything these days has been centered around saying goodbye, and logically it comes at this time when we are preparing to leave, but it seems to be covering up all the happiness that is still to be had. I continue to be amazed at how our neighbors allow themselves to grow close to volunteers when all they do is leave them behind. I can barely stand it now, let alone on a yearly basis. And the cynic in me has to ask, "who is this program truly benefiting?" Why do we do this to these communities and people? Is the pain and sadness that we all experience truly worth it? Or have we all done this with selfish motivations without thinking about those on the other side?

Oh, the big questions that just never seem to stop coming and never have answers. But at the end of the day, I can't help but ask myself the most difficult question, "what have I gotten myself into?"