An Ecuadorian Christmas

If there is one thing that is true for all of Ecuador it's that they love love love their Christmas pagents. If you are an Ecuadorian under the age of 16 and in school then you are most likely a part of the Nativety play put on by your school, more than likely you are a member of the large chorus of angles because in reality there aren't enough main parts to go around, but at least you have a simple costume complete with paper mache wings and a halo made out of pipe cleaners. Even babies are apart of the nativety play, especially at the guarderia!

Christmas season in the states usually starts some time after Thanksgiving, well at the guarderia there is no Thanksgiving so Christmas preparations began on November 1st and we didn't stop decorating until December 22nd minutes before the parents came to the show. The children were cast into their roles, their costumes were made and then remade to fit them perfectly, they practiced their lines and reherced thier entrances and exists every day for over a month. The teachers were going crazy with the prepartion while all I had to do was sit with the angel chorus until it was their time to perform the "Gloria." I didn't think the kids would be able to pull it off since they seem to have attention spans shorter then fish, but when the day came they were so impressive! I was so proud of my kids who had lines and didn't mess them up and I was impressed by how serious most of them were. The parents loved it. a

After the nativety play came the popuri of christmas songs. We began with the Spanish songs which the kids shouted the words at the top of their lungs. And then we had the grand final of our two christmas songs in English. As I told you before we had been learning Rudolf and then we learnd Jingle Bells...sort of. The kids did well and I was happy to be done with singing these songs since we practiced for 30 minutes everyday for a month! The parents didn't seem to notice that their children where singing jiberish most of the time probably because it sounded like English to them. But then Pat, from Nuevo Mundo, came up to me after the show and said "Great job, you know it was the first time I ever heard Rudolf in Japonese!" Pat is an American by the way and quite sarcastic too.

It wasn't until after the guarderia Christmas show on the 22nd that I finally felt as if it were Christmas. And then it got crazy. John and Julia work at a shelter for street boys in the mornings. Several of the boys and the other Ecuadorian volunteers were not going to be going anywhere for Christmas so we decided to invite them over to spend Christmas eve with us. So what we realized is that we were throwing a Christmas party for what ended up being close to 20 people. And as many of you know throwing a party can be quite the production. Early on the 24th Julia and I woke up and headed to the market in the center of Duran to buy the 6 pounds of rice, 5 pounds of pasta, 11 pounds of flour and various other items for the dinner. We also had a neighbor, Alicia, cutting up the chicken for us because we had no idea how to take apart a whole chicken.

We spent the rest of the morning of the 24th with the other volunteers at a morning of reflection in Arbolito. It was nice to take some time out of the business of Christmas to sit and talk with each other about what it means for us to be hospitable here in Ecuador. But right after the reflection we ran home to AJS to begin the chopping, peeling and cooking for the party. We continued to prepare dinner until 8pm when Steve, Laura and I headed over to Omar and Elizabeth's house for a quick visit before mass. We stopped by said Merry Christmas and lucky for us their dinner wasn't ready yet, otherwise we would have gone to mass and fallen into a food coma! (Ecuadorians love to feed you...a lot even if you tell them you only want a little)

Mass was beautiful and even though we got there 30 minutes early we were still unable to find enough seats all together and so we were dotted throughout the church sitting with various neighbors and friends. For the homily a few of the local kids did the nativiety play including Fr. Manuel making the crying noise of the newly born baby Jesus, it was very strange but funny at the same time. While I missed my usual midnight mass at St. Mary's I loved the spirit of our mass here in Duran, the music, clapping and true happiness of the people to be there celebrating the birth of Christ. For our closing song we sang...Happy Birthday! How funny right? Mom, it was just like in Bells of St. Marys!

We came home from mass and Steve, Laura and I went over to Javier's house where the family had been waiting for us to start dinner, we felt bad since it was already close to 11pm and the kids were tired, but as always they told us it wasn't a problem and they felt blessed that they could share their food and family with us, beautiful. We left Javier's fuller than necessary and couldn't imagine eating anymore. After Javier's Steve came with me to Cira's house for a very very quick visit since it was almost curfew and we still had to eat dinner with the boys. And again we were greeted with open arms, a slew of Feliz Navidads and many besitos on the cheek.

Cira is one of my closests friends here in Ecuador, she works at Nuevo Mundo in the kitchen and has such a warm and welcoming personality. She told me the other day, "Ha conocido muchos gringos pero tu eres mi primero gringita amiga" (I have known alot of white people (volunteers) but you are my first white friend). She and her family are just wonderful people and I'm so glad that I have met her. But of course being Ecuadorians her family woulnd't let Steve and I just sit there and talk we had to have food and lots of it! And so she served us to heaping plates full of rice, macaroni salad, pork and chicken. They do not mess around with Christmas dinner. Unfortunatly we could only stay for 20 minutes and we left with our full plates, because she wouldn't let us leave our food, and some candies for the road.

We came home just in time to help serve up the food for the boys and Steve and I shared our 3rd meal of the night together. It was 12am when we finally sat down exhausted and tired from all the running around of the day, but we were all together sharing in the meal we all helped to make. Everyone was happy and enjoying themselves, it was finally Christmas.

Christmas morning Laura and I woke up at what felt like the crack of dawn (5:50am) to travel to Padre Damien where Laura volunteered to give the doctor a day off an due her rounds of curasion, or wound care. So while Laura cleaned the wouds of patients and I fought the need to sleep on the hospital bed that was in the room. It was a fruitless battle as I couldn't resist anymore and ended up taking a nap. Every time I would open my eyes there would be a new patient staring at me probably thinking "what a useless person!" I was glad I went though so that Laura wasn't alone, and good thing I went because on our way home she fell asleep on the bus and was almost near impossible to wake up!

Christmas night all the volunteers went back to Damien house to carol for the patients who seemed to enjoy it, although most just watched us like we were crazy. We had fun if nothing else. And then we had a huge delicious Italian dinner with Sr. Annie, Pat and Sonya. I can't think of a better way to end Christmas then all together enjoying each other's company, laughing, talking and towards the end singing again. And although in the back of my mind I was thinking about my family and our Christmas traditions it didn't take away from my first and probably only Ecuadorian Christmas.

The past few weeks have been really difficult on all of us here in Duran. We've been missing home and loved ones, we've been challenged by things we never thought would happen and we've been shaken up, but at the end of the day, week, month and year what is going to matter the most is the time I have spent learning to love and support my community. Family and friends I will come back and be able to love you better because of this year, how great right?!

Quick updates that I don't need to write a lot about:

1. You may say "I told you so" but I have realized that I do indeed love the kids at the guarderia even though they make me crazy.
2. We threw this awesome party for the guards and their families. It was great. We had to put on a dance for them so we did it to this song "Mi Burrito" and John was the donkey, there should be a video on facebook for you to see it's hilarious.
3. We did secret santa in the house and it was the most bootlegged thing I have ever been apart of. People half assed their gifts last minute, Laura literally put plantains that we had on our counter in a bag for John. It was really funny.
4. New Years resolution for the house, to practice self control since we have none!
5. We have taken it upon ourselves to pick up some local ways of speaking, most recently we have noticed that Ecuas use the word "pues" (well) alot so now we do to, as a joke. "Ya pues" "No pues" "cayate pues" I could go on.
6. We had another mouse encounter, and I had video of it, but somehow it was erased. This one was huge and it took 3 people to catch it. Eventually Javier stepped on it's head....gross
7. On Christmas day I talked to Mike and Kelly and I heard Cecilia say her alphabet...of course I cried. My house mates just think I'm crazy sometimes!

We are entering our 6th month...jeez where does the time go? I'll be home before I know it and that scares me. As always thanks for reading. I hope it was at least a worthy blog to wait so long for. I miss everyone but I'll see you soon!

Oh and Jenny if you are reading this your card was delievered! They loved it!

I began this blog about a month ago and was never able to finish it until now. So enjoy the double blog entries in one day!

Well a month later I find myself coming back to my blog that I have unfortunately neglected for way too long. As time here in Ecuador continues it also seems to be speeding up and disappearing into oblivion. With our jam packed schedules and multiple obligations it has been difficult to find the time to just sit and think about what to write, so it is even more difficult to find time to actually write! But enough complaining, because really everyone is pressed for time it's just up to the person to prioritize and to take advantage of what they have. So onto the blog!

On Thanksgiving day I was able to talk to Mom for a bit which is always nice. But this phone call mom had a special request for me; “Mary, can you stop gushing so much in your blogs” she said with her I'm trying to be serious but still trying to keep things light, voice. I laughed at her because I knew that she had read the most recent blog in which all I did was “gush” about my feelings. It wasn't that mom didn't like to hear about how I was feeling, she just wanted me to “Paint me a picture of where you are."

This wasn't the first time that someone had asked me to “paint” a picture of Duran. Several people have written or emailed asking me to describe the scenery around me, to describe the sights, sounds and smells of Duran so that they could have a better image of where to place me. And so I've thought and thought about how to actually describe Duran, to paint a picture with words of what to me has become “the norm.”

The more I thought about this the less I could come up with, but allow me to try and attempt to describe Duran.

Gray. Cement. Garbage littered streets. Mud and dirt. Loud, big buses that spew toxic fumes and pollute the already heavily polluted air. Stray healthy looking dogs. Stray sickly looking dogs. Windows with steel bars. Roosters and chickens pecking at garbage hoping to find some sort of food. Children running by themselves with no parent or guardian in sight. Small stores the size of your bedroom that carry everything from rice and eggs to school supplies. More garbage. Large garbage fires that billow stench and black smoke. Lots of polvo (dirt or dust). Music that is so loud it pulses in your chest when you pass by a house. People shouting things across the street. Non paved roads. Rocky roads that are at times difficult to walk down without tripping. No trees. No grass. No nature.

But then I come home to a beautiful two story brick building with a large enclosed porch. Our drive way is surrounded by different trees and flowers and we are guarded by Oso the friendliest golden retriever mix you'll find in Ecuador. As I round the corner of our street I'm struck by the beauty of our house and complex, I'm struck by it's grandur and presence. And most recently I'm struck by the fact that whenever I see our house I feel that sense of peace and calm of being home. I come home to spacey Laura, loud and crude John, enthusiastic Steve and Julia the challenger. I couldn't have asked for a better house or housemates. Our bedrooms are small but cosy and our house is painted in warm yellows and makes me feel as if we are surrounded by sunlight. The layout of our house is open but the rooms all kind of run together. Our dinning and living room are one in the same and our kitchen is right in the middle, so while one of us is cooking the other is usually sitting at the table talking about their day. We are always together in a good way and most of the time we are laughing and enjoying each others company. Even during our hardest and most challenging conversations we can always come back to the center of it all, loving each other and holding each other accountable to the mission we signed up for in the beginning of the year.

Mom also asked me to describe the people who I spend my time with but I feel as if there is no way to describe them, you just have to get to know them. So mom, when you come down to visit, as soon as you get that passport, you can meet them in person and see how wonderful they really are.

Thanks are given

Today at Nuevo Mundo the secretary of the foundation school was almost too excited to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. When she saw me coming towards her office she stopped what she was doing and said "FELIZ DIA!" to which her officemate replied, "what a beautiful thing to take a day to give thanks to God." And then I remembered that yes indeed today is meant to be a day of giving thanks for all that we have been gifted.

Today in hot and sweaty Ecuador I am thankful for my Rostro community who continue to be the force that challenges me to live a more Christ centered life while supporting me with their unconditional love. I am thankful for my Ecuadorian community, the people who have without hesitation opened their arms, hearts and homes to us, the people who have taken it upon themselves to make us feel apart of their families and who give us a sense of belonging. I am thankful for the work I do here and the people I have met while doing it, the people who inspire me to strive for excellence. I am thankful for my children at the guarderia who are teaching patience and understanding. I am thankful for my students at Nuevo Mundo who show me what it means to perserver (sp?) and to value education. I am thankful for Rostro de Cristo and all that it aspires to do and to be.

I am thankful for my family, the people who have loved me no matter how mean or ungrateful I was towards them. The people who teased me, wrestled with me, came to see my many horrible plays and musicals, went to my graduations and christmas concerts, put up with my angsty teenage years, my constant crying and complaining. The people who were there to witness my many falls, literally (16 times in Mexico), and the people who were always there to pick me back up. The people who took me to school, picked me up from school, showed me how to take buses and trains, the people who taught me to not take myself so seriously. The people who told me it was ok to cry, even if it is in a chain restaurant in the middle of Michigan. The people who continue to support my crazy decision to move to Ecuador. The people who I love more than anyone else in the world, despite the fact that I probably don't show it or say it as often as I should.

I am thankful for Theresa, Diego and Tic, Michael, Kelly and Baby C, Stephen and Christine and little Emma.

I am thankful for my Mom.

Feliz Dia de Accion de Gracias! Happy Thanksgiving!

Sorry for the delay

It's been a while since my last real blog post and I wish there was a better reason for it other than the fact that I simply do not have any time to sit and write a blog. Even when I have free time it is usually spent planning a lesson, doing laundry or more importantly visiting a neighbor. The more time I spend here in Ecuador (almost 4 months now) the more I realize how valuable time really is. I have come to appreciate time because I finally understand that time is all I have to give down here in Ecuador. It is such a precious thing and although I have no power over how fast or slow it goes I can control how I spend it. So while at times sitting in a neighbors house can just be watching TV, playing cards or having a heavy political conversation, it is all very meaningful beause the two of us are choosing to spend that time with each other.

For the past few weeks I have been thinking about time a lot. What will the rest of my time in Ecuador look like? What will my time after Ecuador look like? Where is my life headed? Those kind of questions. Last year at this time I was begining to discern what I was going to do after graduation, I was praying a lot, making plans and researching my options. My mind goes back and forth between trying to stay in the present moment and not worry about what is going to happen, and then really thinking seriously about what I will do after this experience. It's hard to not forward when you know your return date, if that makes sense.

I struggle with this idea of being young and taking advantage of my youth. Is saying "your only young once" just an excuse to push off responsibility? I don't think so, but I can see how it can lead to that, and I don't want to become that way. I dono't want people to think that I am not "living in the real world" because right now I feel like the world I am living in is the reality that the rest of the world tries to hid from.

Ultimatly the conclusion I keep coming to is that I don't know what I will do after this time in Ecuador, but nor am I worried about it. If I continue to focus on the unknown future then I will miss out on what is happening now, and that would be a shame.

Moving on. I have decided to become apart of the church group Shalom at our local church. I guess you could call them a youth group but they are more so young people who play music at church and do events to raise money for the community. In other words they are people our age in Ecuador which is a nice change from the children and adults we hang out with all the time. I now sing at mass with them and attend their weekly meetings (yes mom I have joined another organization! I bet you thought that was over after college).

Singing at mass was probably one of the best decisions I have made while being here because it has finally allowed me to fully participate in the mass. With the horrible accoustics and my inability to stay focused, I was finding it very difficult to be apart of mass. I didn't know the responses which was hard enough, I couldnt't understand the homily, although I don't think anyone ever does, and I wasn't able to sing any of the songs. Now I sit in the front pew with the band, I have a book of songs and responses and I am starting to slowly but surely understand the priest. It's been wonderful finally being able to attend mass and connect.

Shalom isn't only about church though, last night they held an event called a Peña which was a concert/dance at the local community center. The money raised from the tickets goes to help buy bread and milk which the group then distributes to families throughout a poorer part of Duran. The concert part was quite a show, hopefully I can get a video out to you all from one of the performers who is just...indescribable. He is definitly Youtube material. We spent the night dancing and talking and I finally felt as if I had Ecuadorian friends my own age who did the same things I did. It reminded me of going out dancing with Stephanie and Nick on the weekends back home. I just wish my spanish were good enough to have quick witted conversations, but alas it is not there just yet.

The only catch with hanging out with Ecuadorians is following the rules of Rostro. I cannot begin to tell you how many times people asked me why I couldn't drink, why I had to be home at a certain time and why I couldn't use one of the Rostro cars. While I had no problem explaining the rules, they found them hard to understand. And when it came time for me to leave I felt like I caused such a problem because I couldn't go home alone and I needed to be home by curfew. As the clock ticked down I felt myself become anxious and nervous. I left feeling like they woud never want to invite me to anything again because of the hassle that I am because of the rules I have to follow. In the end it's not that big of a deal, but in the moment it felt like the biggest problem ever. I sometimes miss the ability to do what I want.

For those of you in seasonal changing cities I'm sure you are all getting into the holiday spirit. This past Thursday for community night we put up our christmas tree (1 foot tall) and decorations while listening to christmas music and drinking eggnog, that steve made. It was a wonderful night, but it felt very strange for all of us. Without the change in season I cannot feel like it is the holidays. We also all began to realize that we would be spending Christmas far far away from the loved ones we left at home.

As we strung up the lights and decorated ornaments I couldn't help but think about home and family. The traditions and events that I would miss out on this year. The joy of seeing my nieces open presents. Growing sick of "It's a Wonderful Life" because Mom watches it on repeat. Midnight mass. "A Christmas Story" marathon. Christmas cookies. Ham and lasagna. Putting up all 9 of our nativity scenes. Going downtown to see the windows at Marshall Fields. Hot chocolate. Winter clothing and accessories. 93.9 the lite playing only christmas music. Watching snow fall through the christmas lit windows. staying in our pajamas and watching movies all day on christmas day. family.

Maybe it's too early to be thinking about this, and I know that it's only 1 christmas out of so many. But at times down here a thought will come to mind and it will take over your brain for the entire day. Being away for the holidays just adds to the homesickness that comes in tidalwaves.

On a quick note, I never blogged about it after the fact but my trip to Loja was freaking amazing. It was just what was needed, relaxing, stress free and fun. I rode a horse through the Andes and I didn't fall off! It was great. I'm in the process of putting up all my pictures of this year so far, and it's a slow process but I promise they are on their way.

Oh, speaking of Christmas my job these days at the good ol´guarderia is to teach the students Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer...in english obviously . By the end of December I will never never never want to hear that song again. Allow me try and write how they sing it:

Rudolf the blah blah RANGER
Had a blah blah blah NOSE
And blah blah blah SAW IT
Blah blah blah blah IT GLOWS

The blahs represent their mumbling which really sounds like nothing and the caps obviously mean that they just yell the last words. Sigh....yeah....blah

Family, know that I love and miss you all. Stephen and Christine give Emma a big hug and kiss, tell her I'm sorry I missed her 1st birthday! Mike and Kelly make sure mi hijada remembers me.

English grammar sucks

An exercise in English grammar. Subject verb agreement.

Select the correct form from the choices give in parentheses.

1. Neither of those chairs (is, are) safe to sit on.
2. A pile of ragged suitcases and untidy bundles (was, were) waiting for us on the dock.
3. Either the potatoes or the meat (have, has) a peculiar taste.
4. Neither the coach nor the players (feel, feels) very confident.
5. Professor Pine and his three daughters (is, are) arriving on today's train.

*answers will be provided in the next blog

This grammar topic has been driving me up the wall. It has also been frusterating the hell out of my decimo students (9th graders). So maybe you can be in solidarity with me and try the exercise. Perhaps the answers will even confuse you....

Off to class to make their heads spin with more grammar. More to come soon...

So Halloween is not a holiday in Ecuador, surprise surprise, but we volunteers are still thinking about it. Although plans fell through to have a Halloween party in the retreat house for the neighborhood kids, we are still able to commemorate this odd holiday in our own way. In the mail this week my mom sent me a Halloween card and stickers. The stickers were intended for the kids at the guarderia, which maybe one day I'll use them there, but my first instinct was to place them all over the house. And so on Tuesday night after work I walked around and placed stickers of ghosts and halloween cats in the most random places: clock, utensil jar, underneath our fruit basket, my water bottle. Julia warned me "it's cute now but it won't be so cute in July," and although she is probably right it didn't stop me from my sticking spree.

Then today Jesus, our neighbor across the street, took me to the Duran market to buy a pumpkin for the house! Before we got there I was thinking "well maybe I can buy a few small ones so we can all carve one" but then I remembered that they don't sell pumpkins for decorations, they are meant to be eaten. Ah, yes, they are after all a vegetable. So needless to say the selection was small but good. Nice size pumpkins in different shades of green and yellow-orange. I picked out a nice plump one although Jesus suggested that I buy one that was the size of a small child. Good thing I didn't since I had to carry that damn thing around the market and then home on the bus! I will admit I felt a little silly getting on the red bus with a pumpkin tucked under my arm, but people have carried on crazier things (live chickens, dogs, construction material).

We hope to carve it tonight before we all depart for our adventures in Ecuador!!! We have our first 4 day weekend and are splitting up into several groups to travel to different parts of the country. Jaime and I will be traveling with Megan to a village in the Andes mountains called Loja. Christina and Jake will be joining us.

(side note: Christina is a former volunteer who came back for a few months to work at Nuevo Mundo's morning school. Jake is her awesome boyfriend who is volunteering at a hospital in the burn unit. They live in the apartment below our house in AJs and they may just be the coolest people ever. We love them.)

So we leave tonight to take a 9 hour bus ride to the beautiful village. We don't have an itinerary but who cares, from what we read it sounds like anything we do will be relaxing and well worth it. I'm just excited to see a different part of Ecuador, oh and get this since it's in the mountains it's....COLD!!! I'm packing my jeans, long sleeve shirts and a sweater! I've been in living in heat for so long that the thought of not sweating is just short of a miracle.

This website is in Spanish but you can just look at pictures: www.vivaloja.com

I don't know if you can tell, but I'm just really happy right now and in such a good place, I just needed to share with you all. I talked to mom on Wednesday night and she said "it's good to hear you laugh," and yes it's good to laugh. There hasn't been too much to find joy and laughter in the last few weeks, but now there is so much.

I have been spending more time with neighbors, and talking to new ones. I'm also singing with the church group on Sunday nights and so I met with the lead singer and guitarist on Thursday night to learn some songs and it was great to just sit and talk with people my age. We spend most of our time with kids and adults (30s and up) so it was fun to joke around and feel like I was with friends. I also am really happy to be singing with them because it will help me with spanish and also with learning the mass parts...which is incredibly difficult.

I could just keep writing, but I don't want to bore anyone. Thanks for reading! Happy Halloween!!!

As always, I love you.

A whirlwind of events

I arrived at the guarderia late on Thursday morning. I had puffy red eyes and a half hearted smile. I had just spent the last hour at the airport saying goodbye to Michele. I was going on only a few hours of sleep, no food, and I was emotionally drained from the past two weeks. Needless to say the guarderia was the LAST place on earth I wanted to be when Diana, one of the teachers, approached me to see what was wrong. Thinking that I was ok, I began to explain what had happened and found myself bursting into tears...again. She put a comforting hand on my shoulder as the children began shouting "MARIA ESTA LLORANDO" (mary is crying). Yeah, thanks kids.

I was able to finally calm down after talking with Raquel, another teacher, who I thought wasn't too fond of me. She actually sought me out and told me that she had been meaning to talk to me because she could tell I was sad. It meant a lot to me to know that the women I have been working with actually care for me. While talking to Raquel I thought "maybe this place isn't as bad as I thought." That was until snack time.

We were having snack as usual when I felt Jean Pierre's (yeah a french named Ecuadorian, crazy I know) hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see what he wanted but was met by his fast jumbled spanish, and so I turned back around. Jean Pierre tapped me again, and this time when I turned to him I was met by a vomit covered child. Jean Pierre has puked all over himself. It was running down his shirt and half his pant leg. He looked at me with his puppy dog eyes and said in his small high pitched voice "yo vomite" (I vomited). Yeah ya did. It was disgusting to say the least, and I took him to the classroom to clean him up and help him change. Truly a humbling experience cleaning up a 4 year old's chunky vomit. Thanks, mom for cleaning up ours! And much respect for my sisters in law. Keep fighting that good fight.

So you can believe me when I say that this weekend's retreat was much needed. Thank God for great timing because just after the roughest part of our year came our first all RdC retreat at the beach. It was a wonderful weekend away from work, responsibilites and Duran. We spent the majority of the time doing whatever we wanted, being selfish as Ethan, our leader told us. So I spent my time being selfish with Jaime, Lupita. With the crazy work schedules and living in different houses we don't spend too much time together and so finally we had some time to sit down together and be friends. It was just what I needed.

We ate "US food," sandwhiches with lettuce!, cheeseburgers and bacon! Can you tell that we've been missing food from home? Not to mention meat especially! It was wonderful to pig out on comfort food, but we were also very excited to come home and make some good ol rice and beans for dinner.

But we didn't spend all our time eating (just about 70%), we did manage to fit in some great reflections, talks and community time that was well over due. The AJS community had a great conversation on Sunday afternoon. As we sat listening to the waves crashing upon the shore we finally came together as the 5 of us to remember why community is so important. We reminded each other that as much as we need to hold each other accountable for our actions, we also have to be each others support systems. We need to be open, honest and vulnerable. We need to be willing to love but more importantly we must be willing to BE loved. Perhaps that is the hardest part for me...realizing that even at my worse I am still worthy of love.

We left the beach with mixed emotions of how the rest of the year is going to play out, but without a doubt we left knowing that we are beginning to form community. That night at mass,as I made my debut as the newest member of the church band, I felt a sense of peace and calm rush over my anxious heart as I came to understand that we are exactly where we are supposed to be...

As always, thanks for reading. Love you family!

Funny story:

Last Wednesday morning Steve came running into my room to tell me that there was a mouse in the kitchen. Still half asleep I went into the kitchen to find a very plump mouse/rat sitting in our dish rack. Laura, Steve and I stood there whispering (because if you talk too loud the mouse might move right?) about what to do and in my usual manner I said:

"I gotta go to work. Don't do anything until I'm out the door and it is shut behind me." I didn't want a rodent chasing me down the stairs.

And as I left I heard Steve say to Laura, "What should we do?"
To which Laura replied "I don't know, call animal control?"

Well here in Ecuador animal control turned out to be our guard Wellington and a shovel. Poor mouse didn't even know what was coming.

Insight into my cluttered mind

I cannot believe that it is already October 13th. I have been here for a little over 2 months, but I feel as if I have been away from home for much longer. As we enter into our third month it seems as if the final remnants of beauty, politeness, and patience are slowly falling to the way side. It's time for us to get real, for lack of a better term.

This last week was sensory overload to the point where I couldn't even function properly by the time Saturday rolled around. I don't think I can explain what I'm going through other than saying that everything we experience here is an extreme. We either have amazing or horrible days, and our emotions follow the same pattern. My mood changes so often that sometimes I scare myself with how quickly I can go from happy to sad. Any issue someone brings up to me is a personal attack and I am always on the defense with my actions and thoughts, words and deeds. I feel as if I am living in a small box and the walls are made of people questioning my motives, the rules of the program, my own insecurities and people's expectations.

I have never been one to defy authority, or to go against rules. But here all I want to do is rebel against any limitations placed upon my freedoms. I have not done anything crazy, nor will I, but just writing about this is allowing me to see how ridiculous it all really sounds. I did not come here to rebel, but I also did not come here to live a regimented life. So where is the balance? Obviously I am coming to find that it is up to me and my community to decide that.

Within the last few days I have had the stark realization that I am not apart of a community because we have not developed into our 5 person community or into our 11 person community. We aren't living within the communal mindset that is necessary for this experience. Perhaps I sound crazy. Perhaps you don't understand what I'm talking about, maybe because I don't either.

What I'm struggling with is the fact that this lifestyle is so different than my lifestyle back home. Back home where I was an individual. Where my actions only affected myself and the consequences were my own to deal with. But here, in Ecuador, I have to become apart of something that is more than myself. We all do. We are not Mary, John, Julia, Laura and Steve, rather we are the 5 AJS volunteers with Rostro de Cristo. What we do reflects upon all of us, and especially upon our program. When I speak I speak for the group, when they speak they speak for me.

We are not individuals. How radical is that? Radical in the sense that it is the complete oppostie of how we grew up in the US where everyone is special and everyone has autonomy. A few days ago I journaled about how I find myself transitioning very well, people from back home have told me that it sounds like I'm doing great down here, and I am. But at the end of the day this program is much more than just transitioning well into a new location it's about transitioning well into a new lifestyle a new way of being.

Does this sound crazy? Yes, probably. Do I think it's crazy? Yes. Do I still think it's true? Yes. Will I allow myself to transition and detach myself from my fears, expectations, insecurites and flaws so that I can embrace this experience, the love of others and myself, my own brokeness and God? I pray that I will.

Although this blog probably sounds very emotional and dramatic please know that it all comes from the heart. Know that I am doing well, I love the time I have spent here so far and look forward to the coming months. Know that I continue to pray for patience and peace and understanding. Know that I am still smiling and laughing everyday. Know that I do find happiness and beauty in even the darkest of moments. Know that this experience is making me a stronger, more faithful young woman.

To those who have been sending me letters keep em coming! Mondays is mail day and there is no better feeling than coming home to a few handwritten letters from loved ones! Thanks for reading. Comment if you'd like.

I love you, Mom!

Every night before I go to sleep I make sure to set my alarm for 6:00am. And every night I tell myself, “Mary, tomorrow is going to be different. Tomorrow you are going to wake up when your alarm rings, get out of bed, thank God for a new day, shower, eat a relaxed breakfast while reading the paper and then leave for work.” Doesn’t that sound so nice? I think so. I think it sounds great every time I say it to myself at night. But the reality is that I wake up at 6:50am after hitting the snooze button for an hour. The guard is usually pounding on the door to tell me Eleodora is here to walk to work and still half asleep I shout out the window “Esperame un ratito!” (Just a minute) I then throw on the same clothes I wear every day, khakis and my Rostro polo, grab my bag and head out the door without thanking God, without showering and of course without breakfast..

The majority of my days begin in this chaotic manner but then slow down as Eleodora and I walk the 15 minutes to work in Arbolito. I then can stop to buy a piece of bread and banana and head over to the volunteer house to eat a relaxed breakfast. Being greeted by Eduardo, the guard, is one of my favorite moments in the day. Without a doubt he will always have a smile and a warm embrace to give, always calling me his “pana” (Ecua speak for friend). I then eat breakfast with Jaime, Michele and sometimes Dan or Theresa. We joke and laugh for 20 minutes until we all go our separate ways to work.

The hours from 8-12pm I would like to block from my mind everyday, sometimes skip entirely. Those are my work hours at the guarderia (which I call the ward). Almost two months in and I still dread going to work there everyday. It’s just very difficult to work with children, but especially in another language. They don’t listen to me, don’t do what I say, and could care less that I’m there. I teach a short English lesson for 20 muinutes and the rest of the time I try and help the teacher with managing the classroom. I just don’t know why I hate it so much because I love kids and I love working with them, but these children are like nothing else. All they do is scream, kick and punch each other, complain, cry or act like they’ve gone deaf when I try to ask them something. I’ve been patient and I continue to pray for patience, but it is sloooow coming.
But traveling to Nuevo Mundo in the afternoons is such a relief. I can only describe Mundo as a paradise or an oasis. Located on the small wealthy Puntilla, the bus ride to Mundo is dotted with palm trees, malls, nice cars, well maintained landscaping and houses that look like they were shipped here from the Hollywood hills. Only 20 minutes away from Duran there is a small USA, it´s incredible. The Nuevo Mundo grounds are beautiful as well full of lush green trees and plants, open classrooms and sports grounds, the most green I have seen in Ecuador is at Nuevo Mundo. It’s truly another world there and it needs to be another world for the kids who come from all over Duran and the campo, they deserve beauty in their lives that are filled with ugliness.

I come home tired but excited to be with my community. To share our days with each other, to laugh and sometimes cry (mostly me). I love coming home to people who are excited to see me and who care about the kind of day I have had. I love knowing that I can tell them when I don’t want to talk and they understand and I love when they make me talk about whats wrong because its what I need to do. This whole intentional community component of Rostro is wonderful and I’m so glad I am in a program that stresses the importance of building a community among each other. Because without my community mates I would be an emotional mess every day.

On a lighter note:
1. I am the mother of the house which means I take care of my 4 children when they are sick, sad, in need of a hug. Some motherly duties I have attended to: picking lice out of Julia’s hair, holding Laura’s hair while she got sick and putting a wet washcloth on her forehead, rubbing John’s back when he couldn’t stop shitting his brains out, and nagging Steve to seek a doctor for his illness.
2. I am the house expert on rice cooking. Perhaps I do know how to cook something, Mom!

On a funny note. The language is of course an every day struggle, but I'm getting better day by day! The other night I came home and our guard Wellington was talking to his wife Zoiraha outside of the gate. When I came over I heard her ask me:
'Are you Italian'
'No, I'm Mexican.' I responded
'Good because I made a dish with meat and I wanted to make sure you would eat it''
'Wait..did you say Italian or vegetarian?'
'Vegetarian.'
'Oh, I'm not one of those either.'

Talk about lost in translation! The words Italian and Vegetarian sound similar in Spanish, especially when you are tired. It was funny at the moment thats for sure!

An honest e'mail

I have been attempting to blog for the last 5 days. Every time I sit down at a computer I feel as if there is just too much to express and not enough time to focus my thoughts. I finally wrote an e'mail back to my good friend Polish Mike back in Chicago and felt that my e'mail to him was exactly what I have been trying to say for the last week or so. I have copied the exact e'mail here for you all to read. I did not edit or change anything because I feel I was honest in the email so why change it for my blog?

Hello USA,

Yeah buddy I've been in Ecuador for over a month now, crazy huh? This may sound strange but I still think about our last time hanging out together. It was so chill. I miss being chill so much. I miss eating pizza, drinking beer, sitting on my deck and going to movies. Life here is so different it's hard to realize it sometimes.

This first month went off without a hitch. I loved it, loved my community mates, loved the food, people, everything. But now reality is starting to sink in and things are starting to become less lovable. This was expected of course, but you cannot prepare for such a feeling either. Its hard to describe. The funny thing is that I know when I move back to the US I am going to feel exactly the same, maybe even worse.

Food and things are super cheap down here. The air is horribly polluted because of all the exhauste from buses and cars. We cannot walk anywhere alone due to saftey precautions. We can't drink the tap water due to parasites. We can't be out past 12am, which is fine. And I, along with some of my community mates, have decided not to drink due to the social and culteral implications that alcohol is associated with here.

Its funny because life here is just living. I am not doing anything crazy, at least I dont think so. I walk to work in the mornings with a coworker. I work with 5 year olds until 12pm. I go home change into my teachers uniform and then take a bus for 30 cents to my afternoon job as a high school English teacher. After that I travel back home on the most crowded bus of my life and either cook dinner, go to the internet cafe, read a book or visit a neighbor. I really have no free time or time to myself except for when I'm on the bus. It's difficult to go from my life in Chicago where I had a lot of free and alone time to always being around people. Constantly.

But its all worth it because I am learning a lot about myself through these people. I am getting to know my limits better, I can recongnize my limitations with annoyance and anger, jealousy, things like that ya know? Its hard to describe because its something internal. All that is certain is I will leave Ecuador a very different person than when I came, but perhaps only I will realize the change.

I have been very reflective these past few days. I hope that this e'mail isnt a downer. Your internship, tell me more about it. Working with mentally ill people is such a challenge and yet really rewarding when you can actually connect with them. Oh man.

Verga Cassaroll

Visiting neighbors and develpoing relationships is at the heart of the Rostro de Cristo mission. We are here for a year to not simply perform the jobs we were given, but to immerse ourselves in Ecuador through the customes, traditions and most importantly the people. Everyone we meet asks us how we are enjoying Ecuador. Do we like the food? How is the weather for us? Do we miss home?

The majority of us always answer with much gusto and say that we like Ecuador very much, we like the food, the weather is hot but tolerable and we love the people. With only a month of being here, there is little else for us to say because we have only really put our toes in the water. The truth of this experience and our emotions will only come to fruition when we submerge ourselves. But the question is, when will that happen?

Recently I have found that I am frusterated, mostly with myself. I shamefully do not speak fluent Spanish, the language barrier is strong and I feel as if I will never be able to fully express myself, or truly enter into real relationships with the Ecuadorian people. I am such a chatter box back in the states, I enjoy talking to people, I am witty and sarcastic, I can win people over through a conversation. But yet here I am left to simply nod my head when they speak to me and respond with broken sentences, most of the time with the wrong words and context. I find myself asking of I ever will truly be able to get to know the people of Ecuador if hey cannot understand what I´m trying to say.

But despite my language deficiency I am trying to spend more time with neighbors. It´s amazing how people here are so inviting and welcoming. While coming home from the bus the other day I passed Gabriel´s house and he waved me over to come in, I visited with him and his family for almost an hour. I don´t even remember what we talked about but what mattered was that we were giving each other our time.

What´s so beautiful about the neighbors is that they invite you into their homes whether you are expected or not. When we were younger we would run away from the windows and turn off the TV and lights if we saw someone coming for an unexpected visit, most of the time it was because we were still in our underwear or pjamas, or we hadn´t cleaned like mom said, and other times because our visitors seemed to never leave. Kids typically don´t have very good manners. Mom,however, always made our home open to anyone who came, serving them coffee and whatever little food we had. I´m just finally starting to appreciate how lovely of a custom it is especially since I am not the unexpected visitor.

Life here is still full of surprises and laughter. The days are draining, but we come home to warm community and the five of us spend our nights laughing and teasing each other. Just the other night we laughed extremly hard at Laura´s expense. Please read the following story:

In our house we have many cookbooks that previous volunteers have left behind with their own receipes. It was Laura´s night to cook and so she stood outside with a receipe book and was consulting our guard and two neighborhood children about different meals. She turned the page and found the receipe for ¨Verga Cassaroll.¨ As Laura asked aloud:

¨Que es Verga Cassaroll¨
¨Verga es un mal palabra¨(that is a bad word) one of the neighbors said.

Bryan, an 11 year old then pointed to a picture on the page and began laughing hysterically. It was a picture of a penis! As Laura continued to read the receipe she realized it was a receipe for Penis cassaroll...also known as a joke. Poor Laura was horrified that she hadn´t seen the picture before or read the ingredients before she asked the neighbors.

That story kept us laughing throughout dinner as we enjoyed the usual rice, beans and veggies. No verga.

You want me to do what? Teach?

I appologize for any and all typos, the spell check doesn´t work.

The Pecitos (little fish) classroom at the guarderia (daycare center) is like any other kindergarden classroom you could imagine. Bright posters displaying important vocabulary words and phrases. Bold letters and numbers stuck upon the wall with cute designs and patterns. Small tables and chairs for the 18, 5 year olds, that make up the Pecitos class. It even smells like kindergarden- crayons and glue.

I stood in the colorful classroom timid and not sure what the expect on my first day of work. The excited children filed into the room one by one and quickly ran to put away their backpacks and fight over who sits in what chair. They are full of energy, excitment and love- expect for when they are hitting each other during recess. They ran past me as if I were another object in the room some gave me a second look, but others just went about their 5 year old business of fighting about who is cooler.

Within minutes the room grew to an amazing level of volume as the 18 Pecitos began to yell, scream, sing and some cry. Oh, my lord, what had I gotten myself into? The teacher was able to immediatly regain control of the kids by yelling out ¨niños silencio¨´ Why hadn´t I thought of that?

The teacher then turned to me and said ¨¿ahora ellos tienen ingles. Estas lista?¨ I stared at her with horror, she wanted me to do what? Teach them English? For how long? 30 minutes?! I had no idea what to do and she just began preparing the next lesson. I frantically looked around the classroom for ideas and my eyes fell upon the numbers, and at least I know those, I thought.

¨Quien saben los numeros en ingles?¨I called out
¨YO! ONE, TWO, FIVE, FOUR, EIGHT...¨was the response from the 18 little Pecisitos who are now my kindergarden class.

And thus began my first day of work at the daycare center. It´s been a rough week to say the least. I work at the daycare center from 8-12pm and then starting next week I will start work at the school Nuevo Mundo from 2-6pm. I´m in for some long days, but I´m excited. Nuevo Mundo is an amazing school started by the most admirable Pat Mattee (sp?) and Sonia. The morning school is for the wealthy population of Guayaquil, and the afternoon school is for the children of Duran-the area of Ecuador in which we live.

The tuition of the morning school kids goes to fund the afternoon school progam and allows students, from all different economic backgrounds, access to equal education. The school is very well recognized among the schools in Guayaquil and the actual premisis is a beautiful osasis for kids to escape to. I will be working with 8th, 9th and 10th graders teaching their English classes in the afternoon. It´s an immersion education so I can only speak English in the classroom in order for the students to be exposed to a native accent and pronunciation...hope they don´t all end up with a Chicago accent!

Life has been good here. I´ve struggled with working at the daycare center and feeling overwhelmed and useless, but I must remind myself that I am not here to DO but to BE and so I need to BE patient with myself and with the daycare center.

In other news, I went out for a driving test with Megan. Don´t worry Mom no one got hurt. To make a long story short after peeling out of the drive way and stalling the car twice, it looks like I will NOT be driving in Ecuador. Perhaps for the best. The bus is where I belong. Commuter for life I swear.

Speaking of buses, oh man, if you think Chicago buses and trains get packed you haven´t seen anything! People literally hang out of the bus here and with no fear it seems. No baby carriages or bikes, but people carry on small infants and live chickens. It doesn´t even phase me anymore. Just part of life down here.

The neighbors are great and they have all asked if I was single, and how could that be? I must have a secret love back home that I´m just not telling anyone. Did I mention Ecudorians are funny?

Walter, our neighbor across the streets says that at the rate my tan is going I´ll be ask black as him the end of the year. I doubt I will be, but the sun is strong here. I already got a horrible sun burn on my back 2 weeks ago. My skin turned a nice shade of fire engine red and then peeled for a week. Lovely.

This blog has turned into just a stream of thoughts but thay may be better than anything else. So much happens here, that it´s hard to keep it all up to date. I love it here and it´s only been 3 weeks, and I know times will become hard, but I know that it will all be worth it in the end.

Some funny quotes from the RdC community¨:

¨I just peed out my but¨ -sickness is no laughing matter, but it can be funny
¨What does giardia smell like? Cause I think (blank) has it.¨
¨It´s made of the ocean and you write on it¨-Laura trying to describe sandpaper

Love and miss you all! Send me letters or e'mails let me know how life is!

what do you mean i can´t take off my sweater...it´s HOT

I have been in Ecuador now for a week, and still cannot stop sweating. I mean I knew it would be hot, but DAMN. I´m getting used to it though along with many other things Ecuadorian such as the large amount of tuna that you eat, and the roof dogs...also known as dogs that somehow find themselves ontop of a roof and never come down.

Our day of travel was rough. We were exhausted by the time we finally landed in Ecuador and then waited 45 minutes for our luggage, then another 30 minutes in the customs line. But we were greated with applause and enthusiasm from this past years volunteers. It felt like we were making a scene but it´s not like 11 gringos can NOT cause a scene down here.

We drove 20 minutes to one of the Rostro houses in the Arbolito neighborhood. We stayed in the retreat house for our week of orientation in which we learned how to take the buses, which stores and panerias to shop at and where we go when we eventually contract a parasite...can´t wait for that!

We haven´t been given our work sites yet, but we were divded into the two houses...I am now a Antonio Jose de Sucre resident. There are 5 of us total in our small and cozy home. John, Steve and I are currently at our local Cyber cafe trying to navigate the internet and keyboard in Spanish...it´s difficult.

The first day was the hardest because I just wasn´t ready for the heat. The entire day as the former volunteers took us around Duran all I kept thinking was that I wanted to go home, I missed my bed, my family and friends, AC. I couldn´t stop thinking "what am I doing here?" But it passed just as I thought it would.

It´s going to be a very difficult year I can tell already. But I think it´s going to be a wonderful challenge for me, because down here I cannot hide any of my flaws, issues or problems due to the fact that I´m surrounded by 10 other people who are going to call me out when I act up. It´s part of living in community.

Our neighborhood is very active with tons of families and kids running around the street. There is always a soccer game going on, or neighbors cooking outside their homes. There is much joy and love around us, but imbeded in sadness. Its been difficult seeing the povert in which the Ecudorian people live in, but what did I expect?

I have so much more to write but I have to go a start cooking dinner, we´re having espagetti!

Mom, I haven´t been able to get a phone card yet, but when I do I´ll be calling you very soon! The payphones here are way expensive.

Until I write again. Keep me in your prayers as we enter our job discernment period.

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

In just a few hours the 11 of us Rostro de Cristo volunteers will depart for our long journey to Duran, Ecuador. Tomorrow is going to be rough to say the least due to the amount of flying we will have to do.

Due to a lack of direct flights from Cleveland to Miami this is our flight plan:

6:30am flight to New York
2 hour lay over
11am flight to Miami
3 hour lay over
6pm flight to Guayaquil
10pm land in Ecuador!!!

So in 24 hours I will be in the country that is to become my new home. How crazy? I know that my experience is not unlike the many Rostro volunteers that have come before me, but what I keep reminding myself is that this next year will be unlike anything that I have ever done. I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that in a matter of hours I am going to start such an important part of my life. I am going with an open heart and mind. I am going with a yearning to learn. I am going with the desire to be challenged. I am going to BE and not to DO. I am going to be broken and ruined for life. I am going to live in the moment. I am going with the mission of living a life centered on FAITH, SIMPLICITY, COMMUNITY, SERVICE and HOSPITALITY (also known as the pillars of the Rostro de Cristo program)

I am going to be transformed.

Last night I was thinking about my favorite Picasso painting the Old Guitarist (pictured above). It's my favorite painting because of its story. When you look closely at the Old Guitarist you see the image of another painting beneath. It is a painting that Picasso began but wasn't happy with, and due to his lack of money and supplies he had to reuse this canvas for another painting. The Old Guitarist is the manifestation of Picasso's emotions the way he wanted them to be represented.

I want to be like The Old Guitarist. I want to be the used canvas that the Ecuadorians see as still good and useful in the sense that they will take me and make something even more beautiful, classic and meaningful. I want to be a better representation of my emotions to those around me. I hope that makes sense because I was so excited when it came to me. But maybe I haven't been able to articulate it properly.

But this is my last post for a while now. We will have a 2 week orientation in Ecuador in which we'll find out our houses and job placements. Then we'll just jump in! I hope to write again as soon as I can. In the mean while, keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we embark!

Silence does a body good

I sit in the John Carroll computer lab, sweating after a huge volunteer dance party. We've had a few of them throughout these days together each one is more entertaining than before. I tried to teach some people the Cupid Shuffle (if you don't know it, then look it up. It's actually a Chicago thing) but it didn't catch on as fast as I thought.

It's already the end of Friday and we leave on Monday morning for Ecuador. Where did the time go!? I'm not sure, but it went and here we are only 2 days away from the year long adventure that is bound to shape the lives of 11 gringos forever.

All the volunteers just returned from a 1.5 day silent retreat. If you know me, then you can imagine how difficult it was for me to remain silent for that long, but I did and I'm very proud of it too. But the silence and lack of things to do was well overdue. For the first time in 9 days I was able to be alone with my thoughts, fears, dreams, realities, desires, aspirations...with myself. I often like to be alone when at home, hiding in my room or basement to watch TV by myself, but this time was much more different.

I spent the majority of time reading, thinking and listening. I read meditations, thought about the months ahead and listened for God, for that deep calling that we long to hear when we are afraid of what the future holds. What a blessing it really was, to be silent, to be still, to be open to whatever came to mind without worrying about where I was supposed to be or what I had to do.

Obviously 36 hours of silence (most of which was spent sleeping) is not going to change my life. What it did do, however, was allow me to place things in order to feel as if I have some control over my life. Probably what I will take away most from the retreat is this: "I live a life of faith, but my prayer life sometimes wains." I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

The faster it approaches, the more unreal it seems. In no time at all I'll be sweating like none other and eating more rice and beans then ever imagined...I just really wished I had learned how to cook before I left!

Love and miss everyone.

Tears of joy and sadness

DISCLAIMER: I'm going to be very open and honest in my blog posts. If you are included in my blog entry know that it's because I am thinking about you constantly and miss you dearly.

We are now mid-way through the second week of orientation here at John Carroll University. The days have been full of lectures, discussions and thought provoking questions. I find at most times that my brain is so full of information that it just shuts itself off automatically. We have really great and of course not so great speakers, but the content of the sessions is the most meaningful.

Throughout the day I find that we are so pumped with information that I have no time to actually think about what we're doing here. What I'm doing here. What this next year means for my future and my life path. I also am not dealing with the reality of the fact that I will be gone for an entire year. I have lived at home, in Chicago, with my mom and sister my entire life, and now ALL of that has changed.

I'm trying not to focus on the negative or the sadness, but when I do take the time to think about everything all that comes to mind is how scary this whole experience really is. Mom and Theresa dropped me off at this orientation, and it was probably the most fitting goodbye of them all. Sunday they had a mass for all the volunteers and families and all I kept telling myself was "don't cry now, save it for later" and I was doing so well...until I turned and saw tears rolling down mom's face. I couldn't hold back my own tears anymore.

Mom has always been so strong and unbreakable and to see her cry was more than I could handle. It just finally hit me that this decision was really affecting more than just my life but her's too. I can't imagine what she's been feeling, but I know this year is going to be the best thing to happen to our relationship. After Theresa and Mom left, I went to my room and cried for almost an hour. It was so draining.

The image of my mom crying still brings me to tears. At first they were tears of sadness and longing. But what they are beginning to turn into are tears of joy and hopefullness of this challenging year ahead not only for me, but my family and friends.

In the words of the great Kanye himself:
Hey Mama, I wanna scream so loud for you, cuz I'm so proud of you
Let me tell you what I'm about to do,
Hey Mama I know I act a fool but, I promise you I'm goin back to school
I appreciate what you allowed for meI just want you to be proud of me, Hey Mama