Samira

John Paul, Minoska, Queli (Kelli) and their cousin Samira are probably my favorite family that attends our after school program Valdivia. When I first began helping out John and Laura at Valdivs 13 year old Samira was slow to warm up to my presence at the program. Unlike her cousins who would run and jump into my arms Samira kept her distance and watched me from afar. Many times during recreo I would catch Samira observing me playing memory with Kelli or jumping rope with Minoska. Not sure what to do I thought the best thing would be to reach out to Samira, or try and get her to talk to me. It was a fruitless endevour time and time again. It was as if she wanted nothing to do with me and didn't like the fact that I spent so much time with her cousins.

I continued to spend my time at Valdivia with 8 year old Minoska and 5 year old Kelli, I couldn't get enough of them. The two sisters were not only well behaved but they looked out for one another making sure not to leave the other behind. I admired their closeness and maturity. And as we grew closer, Samira seemed to grow even further away. But there was something about Samira that just wouldn't let me totally give up on getting to know her. She was spunky and outspoken. She didn't allow anyone to push her around or bully her, nor would she let anyone do the same to her cousins. She was quick witted and sarcastic. There was something about her that made me want to learn her story, know where she comes from and follow who she becomes.

It seemed like an impossible task. Everyday I would greet Samira with a big smile and kiss on the cheek despite the fact that I could feel her want to pull away as soon as possible. I respected the fact that she didn't want to talk to me and knew that I couldn't force a relationship with her. After about a month of working 5 days a week at Valdivia , Samira gave me her first smile. I don't know what brought it on, but I don't care. I cherish that smile because I know it was genuine. From that day forward it was as if Samira was a completely different girl. When we saw each other she would run up and give me a huge hug and kiss, she would seek me out during recreo or activity to play with, she would joke and laugh with me. She turned into such a lifefilled girl, it was great.

After a few weeks of our new friendship I asked Samira about her family which eventually led to me coming over to visit one day. Though somewhat difficult we were finally able to set date for me to stop by her house and meet the family. I was nervous at first because I wasn't sure what kind of a situation I was walking into. What if they didn't want to meet me? Or what if they hated volunteers? (That's not too uncommon in AJS) And so I ventured over to Samira's house one Sunday afternoon.

Samira lives in a very small, dark and overcrowded house with her parents 3 brothers, sister in law and 2 baby nieces. I didn't go into the bedrooms but I believe that there are only 2 and they have matresses on the floor for the beds. When I arrived Samira was brining over a tray of food to the neighbors that her mom helps feed every so often. She looked like a little waitress balancing the 5 soup bowls without spilling them. When she saw me she flashed a huge smile and told me to wait just a second while she served the food.

The family was all very nice and welcoming. Her mom was suffering from a pretty bad headach at the time and her one niece wouldn't stop crying, but other than that I felt comfortable visiting with them. Her father and I talked about politics and the struggle for one to make their own life in Ecuador. Her mom told me about former volunteers that they grew close with over the years and how she loves to make ceviche. In fact I talked with Samira's mom and dad for over an hour as Samira sat on the couch withdrawn and quiet. I would try to engage her in conversation and she would answer me with one word answers, or if she began to say more she was usually cut off by one of the adults. I couldn't believe that this was the same spunky girl I had grown close to at Valdivia, who was at times quiet but always a strong presense. At home, she seemed to just fall into the background.

Why? Why must this young girl so full of life be silenced by her home enviornment? Why must she shrink her shoulders and walk around as if on egg shells in a place where she should feel encouraged to take pride in herself? I will not force my own opinions upon her family, her parents, or even Samira herself. I will not pretend to know the slightest about her situation after only going over once. But I will not pretend or try to forget the fact that Samira seems to be just one example of many of the treatment of young girls in the Ecuadorian culture. (I speak from my own experience here in Ecuador and do not wish to speak for all families or all Ecuadorians, generalizations are dangerous and usually wrong)

I worry that if Samira continues to fall to wayside at home that the wonderful spark within her will slowly fade. She will become jaded and complacent. I fear that she will fulfill her "role" as a woman, and not realize any of her own dreams. I fear that she won't realize her full potential and will give up by giving in to a reality that doesn't have to be her own.