Alright listen, Ecuador, just because you have no problem talking about body image doesn't mean the gringos are down with it. The only person who had the right to call me gordita was my grandma, and it was because it was said with love! A warning to anyone who wishes to come to Ecuador I hope you are secure in your body and self esteem because Ecuador will detect your insecurities and magnify them. But if you are secure perhaps the Ecuadorian health check system will make you questione everything you once thought you knew about health care.
You have a small pimple on your cheek? Well you better believe that thing will be the topic of conversation at dinner. How you got it, why you got it, how you can get rid of it. You probably have the pimple because you ate something wrong, or the climate. The remedy; wash your face with lime juice. (I've been told that once before)
Are you sick? It's probably because your stomach is delicate, and the climate. The remedy; don't eat anything with seeds in it because seeds "hace daño" and will create rocks in your organs. (no joke)
Do you have a fever or a cough? You were sitting in front of a fan too long, or because of the cold air from the refridgerator and of course the climate. The remedy; pass an egg over your body and don't drink or eat anything cold.
Wihtout a doubt no matter what your problem is the climate is a reason why it is happening. Never forget that the climate in Ecuador will apparently destroy you because it is the cause of EVERYTHING. According to the Ecuadorians that is.
Now last but not least, are you fat? Or maybe just a little extra junk in the trunk? Maybe a tad bit round about the edges? Woooooh let me tell ya you will never hear the end of it. Perhaps Ecuadorians think that you have forgotten what you look like, or maybe they are just so secure in their own jelly that they feel as if everyone should be comfortable talking about it. They will grab your belly and shake it, they will tell you should eat less because you are growing fatter, they will tell you that you are huge! It's as if you don't look in a mirror or live with yourself everyday, because they point out everything that is wrong with you.
Oh and if you're fat they will make you the standard. In conversations when describing people they will say how big or small they were in comparison to your size, oh "you´re nothing compared to how fat this woman was" or "she was probably the size of your leg she was so skinny."
Kids will poke at your belly, or maybe even ask if you are preggers. And like all kids they of course will tease you about eating all the food in the world or some stupid shit like that. People won't let you be even while you are eating dinner or enjoying yourself at a party, if you like the food you may get a comment that of course you do because you like all food. Or perhaps you will hear the comment, "if you eat a lot of rice you're going to look like[inseart your name here]." if you're dancing at a party you'll hear comments about how you need to dance to lose weight. There really is no safe haven from the comments. They will even be your personal scale! Oh you've lost weight, oh nope you've gotten fat again. It can be relentless at times.
And yet, you must accept it and develop a tough skin because that is the way of the Ecuadorian culture, hell that is the way of Latino culture. I know they don't say it to be mean, they do say it with love and for them it isn't insulting so I take it with a grain of salt. I've always been la gordita and I'm fine with it, but at times I just wish I could be something else.
Oh, Ecuador, I love you, but you're killing my esteem!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Reflections on being temporary
"I have bad news," Cira told me over the phone.
"What happened?" I grew concerned as I could hear the quiver in her voice from crying.
"There was a horrible earthquake in Chile and we cannot get a hold of my sister."
"I'll be right over," I said as I hung up the phone, threw on my shoes and headed over to Cira's house.
When I arrived Teo, Elysa and Sandra were all sitting around the living room as Cira sat at the computer screaming into the microphone. They had just connected with Sandra, their sister, over video chat and were talking to her about her condition. Sandra and her 3 babies, including one of 2 months, were all ok but they were without light and water. She informed us that her apartment building had been pretty shaken but no damage had been done, however, she was afraid of another tremor. Her husband was not home and she had no idea how she would be able to get all 3 babies out if another hard tremor hit. Through the computer screen you could see the strain in her face as she sat in her dark apartment contemplating what her options were, her voice cracked and trembled as did Cira's. The rest of us sat around looking at each other and saying things like, "God help us" and "Que horrible las cosas de este mundo." I was at a loss of words but as I sat there I knew that I wasn't supposed to have anything to say, I was just supposed to be there to support and pray.
I spent the entire rest of Saturday with Cira's family cooking, cleaning, wrapping birthday gifts and even going to a neighbor's birthday party that was being held out on the street in front of the house. We sat and watched as the rental trucks came in and set up the many tables, chairs and tents. We watched the DJ set up his huge obnoxious speakers at either end of the street and begin blasting music hours before the party even began. Then we watched as the cotton candy and churros machines arrived along with the clowns and face painters. And then right before the guests arrived we watched in awe they brought out the birthday cake, an 8 car train with different characters from the show Ben-10. It was trully an all out birthday extravaganza....for a 1 year old.
How surreal it was that only a few hours before we were all sitting around the sala with tears in our eyes wondering if Sandra was alive, and there we getting ready for a party. Of course the party wasn't going to be canceled because of the earthquake in Chile, nor were Cira and her family going to sit around and be sad all day, but in some small way the events of the day brought me back to the theme of being temporary.
Two weeks ago I finally received my first retreat group of the year, Dominican Academy. They were an outstanding group of high school girls who came to Ecuador over their week break to open their eyes and hearts to the effects of poverty. They came to do what many people are not able to do they came to put a name and face to "the poor." At first I was hesitant to have a retreat group because I wasn't sure what they were comind down here for, was it to get away from the bitter winter? Was it to "do" something? Was it to just put another stamp on their passport? Judgements, I know, but also big questions that I ask about all retreat groups. Motivations are so important in coming into other countries under the title of a "service trip" or "service immersion" I should know, I've gone on them myself. But after the amazing group from DA my judgements were blown out of the water.
My time spent with the incredibly well educated and mature ladies from DA revitalized my hope in education and reminded me of the importance of both fromal and informal education(as well as single sex education, although I'm a bit biased). But the short week they spent here also proved a glimpse into my own experience in Ecuador. As the girls began to meet more people from the community and spend more time with the kids at Valdivia they felt the burden of building relationships and then leaving them. Many times during reflection the idea of "turning your back" on someone came up as they talked about how they make themselves a presence in the lives of the people and then quickly are ripped away from them, most likely to never come back.
Doesn't that just sound horrible? Yes, but oh wait...I'm doing the same thing but on a much longer scale. Year after year volunteers come and go, they build their relationships, they share themselves with the neighbors and then they return back to the United States to stay. I too am apart of that cycle. I am here "replacing" a volunteer and soon enough another young freshly graduated American will come and replace me. In 5 short months I will return to my life in the US and I will have left so many people that I have grown close to. People I have grown accustomed to seeing every day, people who I eat, laugh and even have cried with. And people who will probably never travel outside of Guayaquil let alone to the US.
Those kids at Valdivia that run up to me every day and greet me with a hug and kiss, soon they'll be doing that someone else. And perhaps they won't forget me, and perhaps they will think about me as much as I will think about them, but the fact remains I am only a temporary figure here and everyone knows that. While the group was visiting with Jesus they asked her if it was hard to constantly have new groups of volunteers come in and out and she responded, "Yes, we cry a lot" with tears builing up in her eyes. I had to divert my glance so that I didn't start crying myself. A few days ago I mentioned, again to Jesus, that we were at the 5 month mark, she said to me as she stood at the stove cooking, "I don't like to hear those things." And truth be told, I don't like to say those things.
At times I wish that I was just here living on my own not being apart of Rostro. What would my experience look like then? I think I could play the "what if" game all day long, so I won't because it gets me nowhere, but it's so hard not to do at times when I wish things were different. But I should say that there isn't a single part of me that questions my choice in Rostro or my motives for coming down. The program I feel was tailored to my strengths, otherwise known as my social skills. I walk down the street and have at least 1 person to stop and have a quick conversation with and I spend hours on end chatting with neighbors, it seems that the language barrier is not a barrier in terms of my need to socialize!
But what is going to happen to these relationships when I do leave? When I get swept up in life back in the US and don't have as much time to spend writing and calling, how will I sustain them? Perhaps I am asking these questions too early in the game, and not living in the present moment. But it can be difficult to live in the present when it seems as if it's just slipping away from me. Am I just going to end up hurting people like so many before me have done? I know the fruit of the labor is there, but at times it seems to be hidden.
Although this blog may seem to be a little on the "downer" side know that it's not written out of sadness, only concern. I am so happy here at times I wonder if I was meant to live in South America...don't worry, Mom, I'm not getting any ideas. I just think it's important for people to understand that life down here isn't just all fun and games and extravagant birthday parties, it's real.
"What happened?" I grew concerned as I could hear the quiver in her voice from crying.
"There was a horrible earthquake in Chile and we cannot get a hold of my sister."
"I'll be right over," I said as I hung up the phone, threw on my shoes and headed over to Cira's house.
When I arrived Teo, Elysa and Sandra were all sitting around the living room as Cira sat at the computer screaming into the microphone. They had just connected with Sandra, their sister, over video chat and were talking to her about her condition. Sandra and her 3 babies, including one of 2 months, were all ok but they were without light and water. She informed us that her apartment building had been pretty shaken but no damage had been done, however, she was afraid of another tremor. Her husband was not home and she had no idea how she would be able to get all 3 babies out if another hard tremor hit. Through the computer screen you could see the strain in her face as she sat in her dark apartment contemplating what her options were, her voice cracked and trembled as did Cira's. The rest of us sat around looking at each other and saying things like, "God help us" and "Que horrible las cosas de este mundo." I was at a loss of words but as I sat there I knew that I wasn't supposed to have anything to say, I was just supposed to be there to support and pray.
I spent the entire rest of Saturday with Cira's family cooking, cleaning, wrapping birthday gifts and even going to a neighbor's birthday party that was being held out on the street in front of the house. We sat and watched as the rental trucks came in and set up the many tables, chairs and tents. We watched the DJ set up his huge obnoxious speakers at either end of the street and begin blasting music hours before the party even began. Then we watched as the cotton candy and churros machines arrived along with the clowns and face painters. And then right before the guests arrived we watched in awe they brought out the birthday cake, an 8 car train with different characters from the show Ben-10. It was trully an all out birthday extravaganza....for a 1 year old.
How surreal it was that only a few hours before we were all sitting around the sala with tears in our eyes wondering if Sandra was alive, and there we getting ready for a party. Of course the party wasn't going to be canceled because of the earthquake in Chile, nor were Cira and her family going to sit around and be sad all day, but in some small way the events of the day brought me back to the theme of being temporary.
Two weeks ago I finally received my first retreat group of the year, Dominican Academy. They were an outstanding group of high school girls who came to Ecuador over their week break to open their eyes and hearts to the effects of poverty. They came to do what many people are not able to do they came to put a name and face to "the poor." At first I was hesitant to have a retreat group because I wasn't sure what they were comind down here for, was it to get away from the bitter winter? Was it to "do" something? Was it to just put another stamp on their passport? Judgements, I know, but also big questions that I ask about all retreat groups. Motivations are so important in coming into other countries under the title of a "service trip" or "service immersion" I should know, I've gone on them myself. But after the amazing group from DA my judgements were blown out of the water.
My time spent with the incredibly well educated and mature ladies from DA revitalized my hope in education and reminded me of the importance of both fromal and informal education(as well as single sex education, although I'm a bit biased). But the short week they spent here also proved a glimpse into my own experience in Ecuador. As the girls began to meet more people from the community and spend more time with the kids at Valdivia they felt the burden of building relationships and then leaving them. Many times during reflection the idea of "turning your back" on someone came up as they talked about how they make themselves a presence in the lives of the people and then quickly are ripped away from them, most likely to never come back.
Doesn't that just sound horrible? Yes, but oh wait...I'm doing the same thing but on a much longer scale. Year after year volunteers come and go, they build their relationships, they share themselves with the neighbors and then they return back to the United States to stay. I too am apart of that cycle. I am here "replacing" a volunteer and soon enough another young freshly graduated American will come and replace me. In 5 short months I will return to my life in the US and I will have left so many people that I have grown close to. People I have grown accustomed to seeing every day, people who I eat, laugh and even have cried with. And people who will probably never travel outside of Guayaquil let alone to the US.
Those kids at Valdivia that run up to me every day and greet me with a hug and kiss, soon they'll be doing that someone else. And perhaps they won't forget me, and perhaps they will think about me as much as I will think about them, but the fact remains I am only a temporary figure here and everyone knows that. While the group was visiting with Jesus they asked her if it was hard to constantly have new groups of volunteers come in and out and she responded, "Yes, we cry a lot" with tears builing up in her eyes. I had to divert my glance so that I didn't start crying myself. A few days ago I mentioned, again to Jesus, that we were at the 5 month mark, she said to me as she stood at the stove cooking, "I don't like to hear those things." And truth be told, I don't like to say those things.
At times I wish that I was just here living on my own not being apart of Rostro. What would my experience look like then? I think I could play the "what if" game all day long, so I won't because it gets me nowhere, but it's so hard not to do at times when I wish things were different. But I should say that there isn't a single part of me that questions my choice in Rostro or my motives for coming down. The program I feel was tailored to my strengths, otherwise known as my social skills. I walk down the street and have at least 1 person to stop and have a quick conversation with and I spend hours on end chatting with neighbors, it seems that the language barrier is not a barrier in terms of my need to socialize!
But what is going to happen to these relationships when I do leave? When I get swept up in life back in the US and don't have as much time to spend writing and calling, how will I sustain them? Perhaps I am asking these questions too early in the game, and not living in the present moment. But it can be difficult to live in the present when it seems as if it's just slipping away from me. Am I just going to end up hurting people like so many before me have done? I know the fruit of the labor is there, but at times it seems to be hidden.
Although this blog may seem to be a little on the "downer" side know that it's not written out of sadness, only concern. I am so happy here at times I wonder if I was meant to live in South America...don't worry, Mom, I'm not getting any ideas. I just think it's important for people to understand that life down here isn't just all fun and games and extravagant birthday parties, it's real.
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