Sorry for the delay

It's been a while since my last real blog post and I wish there was a better reason for it other than the fact that I simply do not have any time to sit and write a blog. Even when I have free time it is usually spent planning a lesson, doing laundry or more importantly visiting a neighbor. The more time I spend here in Ecuador (almost 4 months now) the more I realize how valuable time really is. I have come to appreciate time because I finally understand that time is all I have to give down here in Ecuador. It is such a precious thing and although I have no power over how fast or slow it goes I can control how I spend it. So while at times sitting in a neighbors house can just be watching TV, playing cards or having a heavy political conversation, it is all very meaningful beause the two of us are choosing to spend that time with each other.

For the past few weeks I have been thinking about time a lot. What will the rest of my time in Ecuador look like? What will my time after Ecuador look like? Where is my life headed? Those kind of questions. Last year at this time I was begining to discern what I was going to do after graduation, I was praying a lot, making plans and researching my options. My mind goes back and forth between trying to stay in the present moment and not worry about what is going to happen, and then really thinking seriously about what I will do after this experience. It's hard to not forward when you know your return date, if that makes sense.

I struggle with this idea of being young and taking advantage of my youth. Is saying "your only young once" just an excuse to push off responsibility? I don't think so, but I can see how it can lead to that, and I don't want to become that way. I dono't want people to think that I am not "living in the real world" because right now I feel like the world I am living in is the reality that the rest of the world tries to hid from.

Ultimatly the conclusion I keep coming to is that I don't know what I will do after this time in Ecuador, but nor am I worried about it. If I continue to focus on the unknown future then I will miss out on what is happening now, and that would be a shame.

Moving on. I have decided to become apart of the church group Shalom at our local church. I guess you could call them a youth group but they are more so young people who play music at church and do events to raise money for the community. In other words they are people our age in Ecuador which is a nice change from the children and adults we hang out with all the time. I now sing at mass with them and attend their weekly meetings (yes mom I have joined another organization! I bet you thought that was over after college).

Singing at mass was probably one of the best decisions I have made while being here because it has finally allowed me to fully participate in the mass. With the horrible accoustics and my inability to stay focused, I was finding it very difficult to be apart of mass. I didn't know the responses which was hard enough, I couldnt't understand the homily, although I don't think anyone ever does, and I wasn't able to sing any of the songs. Now I sit in the front pew with the band, I have a book of songs and responses and I am starting to slowly but surely understand the priest. It's been wonderful finally being able to attend mass and connect.

Shalom isn't only about church though, last night they held an event called a Peña which was a concert/dance at the local community center. The money raised from the tickets goes to help buy bread and milk which the group then distributes to families throughout a poorer part of Duran. The concert part was quite a show, hopefully I can get a video out to you all from one of the performers who is just...indescribable. He is definitly Youtube material. We spent the night dancing and talking and I finally felt as if I had Ecuadorian friends my own age who did the same things I did. It reminded me of going out dancing with Stephanie and Nick on the weekends back home. I just wish my spanish were good enough to have quick witted conversations, but alas it is not there just yet.

The only catch with hanging out with Ecuadorians is following the rules of Rostro. I cannot begin to tell you how many times people asked me why I couldn't drink, why I had to be home at a certain time and why I couldn't use one of the Rostro cars. While I had no problem explaining the rules, they found them hard to understand. And when it came time for me to leave I felt like I caused such a problem because I couldn't go home alone and I needed to be home by curfew. As the clock ticked down I felt myself become anxious and nervous. I left feeling like they woud never want to invite me to anything again because of the hassle that I am because of the rules I have to follow. In the end it's not that big of a deal, but in the moment it felt like the biggest problem ever. I sometimes miss the ability to do what I want.

For those of you in seasonal changing cities I'm sure you are all getting into the holiday spirit. This past Thursday for community night we put up our christmas tree (1 foot tall) and decorations while listening to christmas music and drinking eggnog, that steve made. It was a wonderful night, but it felt very strange for all of us. Without the change in season I cannot feel like it is the holidays. We also all began to realize that we would be spending Christmas far far away from the loved ones we left at home.

As we strung up the lights and decorated ornaments I couldn't help but think about home and family. The traditions and events that I would miss out on this year. The joy of seeing my nieces open presents. Growing sick of "It's a Wonderful Life" because Mom watches it on repeat. Midnight mass. "A Christmas Story" marathon. Christmas cookies. Ham and lasagna. Putting up all 9 of our nativity scenes. Going downtown to see the windows at Marshall Fields. Hot chocolate. Winter clothing and accessories. 93.9 the lite playing only christmas music. Watching snow fall through the christmas lit windows. staying in our pajamas and watching movies all day on christmas day. family.

Maybe it's too early to be thinking about this, and I know that it's only 1 christmas out of so many. But at times down here a thought will come to mind and it will take over your brain for the entire day. Being away for the holidays just adds to the homesickness that comes in tidalwaves.

On a quick note, I never blogged about it after the fact but my trip to Loja was freaking amazing. It was just what was needed, relaxing, stress free and fun. I rode a horse through the Andes and I didn't fall off! It was great. I'm in the process of putting up all my pictures of this year so far, and it's a slow process but I promise they are on their way.

Oh, speaking of Christmas my job these days at the good ol´guarderia is to teach the students Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer...in english obviously . By the end of December I will never never never want to hear that song again. Allow me try and write how they sing it:

Rudolf the blah blah RANGER
Had a blah blah blah NOSE
And blah blah blah SAW IT
Blah blah blah blah IT GLOWS

The blahs represent their mumbling which really sounds like nothing and the caps obviously mean that they just yell the last words. Sigh....yeah....blah

Family, know that I love and miss you all. Stephen and Christine give Emma a big hug and kiss, tell her I'm sorry I missed her 1st birthday! Mike and Kelly make sure mi hijada remembers me.